Change

Hello Blog. I've missed you.

There's a funny thing about life. It's constantly changing. Sheryl Crow sings about change. It was Obama's mantra. But whenever you hear people talk about change, it's always someone else who has to go through it. A change will do you good. Change sucks.

So what changes have happened since I last posted? Isaac is in 1st grade and he's doing fantastic. He excels in math and reading, both which he likes to do at home just for fun. Right now we're having a tough time with Spring Break (one of those autism change things), but we'll survive like we have the ones before. Brooke has gotten older, bigger, and crankier. We dealt with colic and continue to deal with acid reflux. She's incredibly needy. She's crawling now which I'm so grateful for, because of course I worry. Early Intervention might still hear from me, just to get her checked out and make sure she stays where she should be. Dan works. Lately he's been doing the LOOONG shifts where he's gone for about 12 hours a day, and these are usually 8 or 9 days in a row. I'm starting to think this is God's punishment for me complaining about Dan's work schedule BEFORE this. You know, one of those parent things that goes, "I'll give you something to complain about!" Yup. By the time Dan gets home at night and I've just gotten the kids to bed you might imagine how much I need quiet and alone time.


(continued 15.5 hours later)

You see, this is the trouble I've had posting blogs because it's hard to get the (undisturbed) time needed to sit down and write them. Also the reason I spend so much time on Facebook because of all the interesting things I can do using only one hand and with only 40 seconds of free time.

Other changes? A new house. We moved from our tiny 2 bedroom duplex to a large 3 bedroom house. It was only $50 more per month than what we were paying and about 500 sq feet larger. We had to take it! Now if only all these boxes would disappear...

A new van. Our red lemon that we bought last year finally had to go. When a $700 vehicle needs a $2000 new tranny, it's time to let it go. Our new van is a Dodge Caravan. Even though it's completely manual (windows, locks, mirrors, everything), it's still so nice because it runs! I wonder how much it'd cost to have automatic locks put in?

Follow-up

Today I had my follow-up appointment. As I was sitting in the room waiting for the doctor to come in, my mind was drifting as I was staring at the shelves in the room. Then I realized what I'd been staring at: a life-like replica of a woman's hoo-haa. Then I couldn't stop staring at it because #1) I couldn't figure out what in the world they would use this model for, especially since it had the handy dandy hole and #2) I kept thinking all they needed to do was put pens in that handy dandy hole and it'd look like some obscene pencil holder. The appointment went fine and I'm now equiped to not have any more surprise Thurber peanuts until I decide I want more.

Which I don't. Right now I really don't.

Besides not having time to get on here and type with two hands, I haven't felt like writing. Brooke's acid reflux has gotten better since being on her medicine, but the colic is still rough. She cries all evening until we head to bed at about 11pm. She wakes between 3-5am, and either starts her day or falls back asleep for a couple of hours. At least we're starting to see something that could be defined as a fuzzy routine.

Isaac's been driving me nuts. When he's not having fits, he's having accidents which really aren't accidents since I know he can use the potty he's just not listening to his body and doing it. So on a daily basis I'm scrubbing pee off the carpet, the sofa, the rocker, the computer chair, and today when he pooped his pants and it fell on the floor I was scrubbing poop off the bathroom floor too. He goes through his entire underwear stock in a day. It makes me feel like my house is so gross and dirty, even when I'm scrubbing up after him.

So I do a lot of whining lately, and no one wants to listen to that.

One day Dan took the kids for the day and I was able to get the house totally scrubbed clean. It was glorious. It didn't last long, but it was wonderful while it lasted and I look forward to being able to have that clean house again. Some day.

Before (Eeeeek!)


After (Aaaaah!)

Bleeding ears

It's good to be grateful for the little things in life. I'm grateful that, as of yet, my ears haven't bled from Brooke's screaming. I don't know if it's even possible for that to happen, but it wouldn't surprise me either.

Brooke has been diagnosed with acid reflux, a very common condition in newborns. She's been on Zantac for a few days now and we've seen an improvement. She still spits up, but it's not as often, it's not projectile, and it's not coming out her nose.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Considering that I didn't get to bed until 1am last night, I can't say that the Zantac is helping with the colic much.

We had a good 4th of July. We did fireworks here at home because I'm a party-pooper and didn't feel like hauling two grouchy kids to some late night show. We still had a good time.

And Brooke, who will wake from her nap at the slightest sound, slept like this through our neighborhood's entire firework display:

Both the kids have been a handful. Between Brooke's screaming and barfing and Isaac's attitude problem, the days go by pretty quickly. Occasionally we get nice moments like this:

A couple Sundays ago Isaac noticed the clouds and pointed them out to me. I've never seen clouds like this! It made me appreciate those small, beautiful things in life that are so easy to overlook.

And I've even started working in the yard again, which I've missed so much! It's great to be outside playing in the dirt, and have something beautiful come from your hard work.

Dear Journal...

Oh, how I've missed you!
Having a newborn in the home, combined with Dan's 12 hour work days, means I have very little hands-free time. If I can't do something with one hand, it's likely not going to be done until Dan gets home from work.

In addition, our sweet baby has developed a healthy case of colic. I held my breath and was hopeful since the first two weeks were wonderful. Then the third week she started having some bad days. At the end of the week I noticed I'd been saying "She's had a bad day" all week long. She's five weeks old already! Today we'll take her into the doctor to make sure it's just colic and not something else. But it's been so very hard. The days that Daniel is home to help me with the house and kids is like oxygen for a drowning woman. Sometimes counting the minutes and lots of prayer is the only way to get through the day.

Chaos is a daily adventure

I've always had respect for mothers who have more than one child. For me I've always had that kind of awe and wondered how they made it through their day.

Now I know. Mothers of more than one child make it through the day powered by caffeine, the knowledge that Dad will be home eventually, and the hope that these days will pass.

For some reason the days that Dan is home seem to be our easiest days. Days that Daddy works are the days the kids raise hell. Today was a perfect example of what every day is like for me with two kids:

This morning I was to meet my family at Home Depot. I got the kids ready and a crying baby in her carseat and turned off the lights and was heading out the door when my phone rang. It was my mom calling to tell me that some of my family was going to be 30 minutes late. I was upset because I already had a cranky baby loaded up and ready to go, so I decided I would just meet my mom there and we'd sit and visit and wait for the rest of the family. We get there and we go in so my mom can use the bathroom, and I asked Isaac if he had to go. He said no. We get back outside and Isaac starts grabbing his bottom. I ask him if he has to go. He said no. I reminded him of the new rule that if he poops his pants he'll lose his movie priviledge for the day. I asked him if he had to go. He said no. A couple minutes later he informed me that he pooped his pants. I pass the baby off to my mom and proceed to take Isaac into the store restroom while informing him that he's lost his movie priviledge for the day. He's upset and wants to earn the movies back and I told him no. Also, I didn't bring a change of underwear or anything for him, so the only thing I could do was dump the poop in the toilet and put him back in his underwear. Finally when it was time to head home I had Brooke crying and Isaac throwing a hissy fit and kicking the back of my seat. He had a time-out when we got home.

The majority of my day is spent holding Brooke, and occasionally being able to set her down to sleep, which she did for about 10 minutes each time before she realized I wasn't holding her anymore and she'd wake up crying. A gold star for me today that I actually got dishes done! We had PB & J sandwiches for dinner.

Then this evening I'm feeding Brooke a bottle and having Isaac pick up his toys to start getting ready for bed. He's grabbing his bottom and I ask if he has to use the bathroom. He said no. I told him if he pooped his pants he'd lose his morning movie priviledge. I asked him if he had to go. He said no. Then Brooke pooped so I put the bottle down and changed her pants. She was still hungry so I sat down with the bottle again. Then Isaac told me he'd peed his pants. I'm busy feeding Brooke so I send him upstairs and tell him he's lost his priviledges again. I told him to take off his wet clothes and sit on the toilet. A minute later he calls down for me that he went pee and poo in the toilet! He wants to know if he's earned back his movie time for doing that, so I said fine. He came to the top of the stairs naked from the waist down, so I told him to get back in the bathroom and make sure he wiped and washed his hands. Then I needed him to get clothes on. I'm finishing feeding Brooke and I'm impressed she's eaten so much, just as Isaac comes downstairs still naked from the waist down. As he comes streaking into the living room Brooke projectile vomitted her entire bottle all over herself and me! I quickly grab a change of clothes from the huge pile of clean laundry that's been sitting in our livingroom that I never get around to putting away, and I herd the kids upstairs. Up there, I go ahead and wipe Isaac's bottom again because I knew he wouldn't have really gotten it well (he didn't). I give him a pull-up and his pj's and send him into the hall to get dressed. I get down on the bathroom floor and strip Brooke down and give her a quick sponge bath to wash all the formula off and get her in her pj's. I get both kids downstairs and Isaac reminds me I forgot to brush his teeth. I go back upstairs with both kids and let Isaac brush first. Because he doesn't have good hand coordination, I also have to brush his teeth for him, so I set Brooke down in the hall and she's crying and I'm brushing Isaac's teeth. We get that done and get back downstairs where I lay Brooke down in her basinett and then run back upstairs so I can change my clothes since they were still covered with formula slime. Run back downstairs and pick up the crying Brooke and go in the kitchen to find a bedtime snack for Isaac to eat while we read bedtime stories. Dan walks through the door at that moment (about 8:30pm) after being gone for work nearly 12 hours (long work days, short work week). I shoo him upstairs to quickly use the bathroom and then pass Brooke off to him. Between the two of us we get Isaac to bed, he takes over holding Brooke and I start laundry and start the prep for tomorrow's dinner.

Dan has been home for an hour and a half and holding a crying Brooke he looks at me and asks me if I want a turn with her?

Um.

No.

The day I had today? Repeat that every day, and welcome to my life now that I have two kids!

The death of a great man

My Grandpa passed away Tuesday the 23rd at 2:00am.

I'm so grateful that I had driven down Sunday for an unplanned visit, because I hadn't planned on visiting until Tuesday and it would have been too late. He was in bad shape Sunday, but he knew we were there. We had just visited a few days before, and it's crazy to think he would die so soon. He had battled the lung cancer for so long, to me it seemed like he'd just keep fighting it. When we were there Sunday, I sat in the same room with him and you could see how close to death he was. As I held me newborn daughter and sat across from Grandpa, it struck me how here was new life and death. He lived to see Brooke and hold her. That's very special to me. As I drove away Sunday and headed for home, I turned the radio on and heard the song "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. I thought how strange and at the same time how appropriate for that song to come on at that particular moment. When Grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer about 3 years ago, he was given 6 months to live. All the trips and things that my grandparents wanted to do tomorrow, became today. Grandpa continued to live his life but each day was precious. None of us know when our time is up, and lately I've been thinking of changes I want to make in my life so that when my time comes I can say, "I lived a great life."

Love & gratitude

I want to post more later, but I wanted to say: Go hug your loved ones today. Express those feelings of love and gratitude because tomorrow may never come.

P.S. I've been told my comments section isn't working, and I'll try to fix it soon.

Hello summer

Tomorrow is officially the first day of summer. It doesn't feel like it. It's been humid and damp, and today is even on the cool side. I'm wondering if it will rain on Isaac's birthday next weekend? It's never rained on his birthday so far... in fact, all of his birthdays have been hot. I don't mind a cool summer since I don't like the heat, but I also don't like it if it's 70 or higher and raining. Ugh.

I've been absolutely exhausted the past couple of days. It's so hard when Dan has to be to work at 5:30am, because that means I've been doing baby duty on my own during the night so he can stay awake and alert at work. We've been getting to bed between 10 and 11pm. I get up with Brooke about midnight. Then again about 4am, and up for the day. If I try to lay her down and she's not totally asleep, she cries and carries on until I go to pick her up. This morning she had gas and was crying and woke Isaac up at 5:30am. In addition to gas, Brooke has also had some blocked tear ducts so her eyes have been gunky, poor babe. And while I've been trying to tend to her and clean house, all day today Isaac has been "Mommommommommom". I feel only slightly bad that when Dan comes through the door after work I practically shove the kids off on him.

My meds after leaving the hospital

Hurting more today than usual. I've also been doing more work than usual because the house is in dire need of it. This week I stopped my prescription pain meds, so I'm using OTC Excedrin and Ibuprofen instead. I should also clean my fridge today. It stinks. Why does it stink? I can't figure it out. Yikes, if I still hurt tonight I may need to take one of my prescription pain meds that are left over.

Just another day in paradise

Know that song? Today was kind of like that.

Got up this morning and we got ready to go get Brooke's newborn pictures taken. Since the hospital here doesn't do newborn pictures (that totally sucked!), we set up this appointment to have them done professionally. Isaac wanted his picture taken with Brooke.

We got a call from the gal telling us she was sick, and she wanted to give us a heads up in case we wanted to reschedule. I didn't want to reschedule because Brooke is nearly 3 weeks old and these pictures should have been taken of her as a newborn in the hospital! They only stay newborn for a brief time!

I ironed Brooke's dress, since last night I had spent time untangling the fringe on the baby blanket I had made when I was pregnant with Isaac and I wanted to use it in Brooke's pictures. Seriously, it took me about an hour and a half to get the blanket picture perfect and I even went to bed really late because I wanted this blanket to be ready for the pictures.

We made it to the picture appointment and I realized I had left the blanket at home. No, we couldn't go home and get it because home was nearly a 30 minute drive away. So we ended up using the pink blanket we had quickly tucked around her as we'd dashed out the door. Thank heavens it was clean and worked nicely.

Then we shopped for a birthday present for one of Isaac's friends who happens to be having his birthday party the same day Isaac is. This put Isaac in a bad, bad mood because the toy wasn't for him and he couldn't play with it. He decided he didn't want any birthday parties or presents. I said fine... mom and dad would go and we'd eat his cake and ice cream and play with his birthday present toys. He came this close to going down for a nap which he hasn't done in years.

Got home and ate lunch. Dan changed Brooke's diaper and discovered that her cord had finally fallen off! Problem: Where did it go? It was really gross. Even more gross that we couldn't find it because of the stupid coloring of our funky carpeting. About an hour later I found it when I stepped on it. Ya. Gross. Way cool though, Brooke has an adorable belly button now!

Isaac played his afternoon game time and I took an hour nap. Nice. I have barely taken any naps since getting home from the hospital, and since Dan has to work super duper early tomorrow (5:30 am) that means tonight the baby duty is up to me and then I'm on my own with the kids until he gets home at about 2:30 pm.

This morning I weighed myself, and I've already lost all my baby weight PLUS some! YAY ME! Totally stinks though that my tummy is still swollen so I can't get my old jeans over my hips yet. This afternoon while snuggling with Brooke I treated myself to some homemade trail mix: peanuts, pretzels, raisins, sunflower seeds, chocolate chips. A while later I looked down at Brooke and was horrified to see this:

I had managed to drop a chocolate chip that wedged itself between my shirt and my daughter's hot sweaty head, covering both of us in melted chocolate. If she'd opened her eyes it would have hurt! I had to ask Dan's help to clean us both off, but of course he had to snap a picture first.

And yesterday Daniel gave Isaac a haircut. Except when we do haircuts, Isaac always has to sit on Dad's lap to be partly restrained while I use the buzzers, except I wasn't up to doing it so Dan tried it alone. It made a mess of the bathroom and Isaac's haircut was very choppy. So tonight I had to do a quick clean-up buzz of my son's head.

My house is a mess and I have company coming over tomorrow morning at 10 am. And I'm going to bed now!

Love is...