The death of a great man

My Grandpa passed away Tuesday the 23rd at 2:00am.

I'm so grateful that I had driven down Sunday for an unplanned visit, because I hadn't planned on visiting until Tuesday and it would have been too late. He was in bad shape Sunday, but he knew we were there. We had just visited a few days before, and it's crazy to think he would die so soon. He had battled the lung cancer for so long, to me it seemed like he'd just keep fighting it. When we were there Sunday, I sat in the same room with him and you could see how close to death he was. As I held me newborn daughter and sat across from Grandpa, it struck me how here was new life and death. He lived to see Brooke and hold her. That's very special to me. As I drove away Sunday and headed for home, I turned the radio on and heard the song "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. I thought how strange and at the same time how appropriate for that song to come on at that particular moment. When Grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer about 3 years ago, he was given 6 months to live. All the trips and things that my grandparents wanted to do tomorrow, became today. Grandpa continued to live his life but each day was precious. None of us know when our time is up, and lately I've been thinking of changes I want to make in my life so that when my time comes I can say, "I lived a great life."

Love & gratitude

I want to post more later, but I wanted to say: Go hug your loved ones today. Express those feelings of love and gratitude because tomorrow may never come.

P.S. I've been told my comments section isn't working, and I'll try to fix it soon.

Hello summer

Tomorrow is officially the first day of summer. It doesn't feel like it. It's been humid and damp, and today is even on the cool side. I'm wondering if it will rain on Isaac's birthday next weekend? It's never rained on his birthday so far... in fact, all of his birthdays have been hot. I don't mind a cool summer since I don't like the heat, but I also don't like it if it's 70 or higher and raining. Ugh.

I've been absolutely exhausted the past couple of days. It's so hard when Dan has to be to work at 5:30am, because that means I've been doing baby duty on my own during the night so he can stay awake and alert at work. We've been getting to bed between 10 and 11pm. I get up with Brooke about midnight. Then again about 4am, and up for the day. If I try to lay her down and she's not totally asleep, she cries and carries on until I go to pick her up. This morning she had gas and was crying and woke Isaac up at 5:30am. In addition to gas, Brooke has also had some blocked tear ducts so her eyes have been gunky, poor babe. And while I've been trying to tend to her and clean house, all day today Isaac has been "Mommommommommom". I feel only slightly bad that when Dan comes through the door after work I practically shove the kids off on him.

My meds after leaving the hospital

Hurting more today than usual. I've also been doing more work than usual because the house is in dire need of it. This week I stopped my prescription pain meds, so I'm using OTC Excedrin and Ibuprofen instead. I should also clean my fridge today. It stinks. Why does it stink? I can't figure it out. Yikes, if I still hurt tonight I may need to take one of my prescription pain meds that are left over.

Just another day in paradise

Know that song? Today was kind of like that.

Got up this morning and we got ready to go get Brooke's newborn pictures taken. Since the hospital here doesn't do newborn pictures (that totally sucked!), we set up this appointment to have them done professionally. Isaac wanted his picture taken with Brooke.

We got a call from the gal telling us she was sick, and she wanted to give us a heads up in case we wanted to reschedule. I didn't want to reschedule because Brooke is nearly 3 weeks old and these pictures should have been taken of her as a newborn in the hospital! They only stay newborn for a brief time!

I ironed Brooke's dress, since last night I had spent time untangling the fringe on the baby blanket I had made when I was pregnant with Isaac and I wanted to use it in Brooke's pictures. Seriously, it took me about an hour and a half to get the blanket picture perfect and I even went to bed really late because I wanted this blanket to be ready for the pictures.

We made it to the picture appointment and I realized I had left the blanket at home. No, we couldn't go home and get it because home was nearly a 30 minute drive away. So we ended up using the pink blanket we had quickly tucked around her as we'd dashed out the door. Thank heavens it was clean and worked nicely.

Then we shopped for a birthday present for one of Isaac's friends who happens to be having his birthday party the same day Isaac is. This put Isaac in a bad, bad mood because the toy wasn't for him and he couldn't play with it. He decided he didn't want any birthday parties or presents. I said fine... mom and dad would go and we'd eat his cake and ice cream and play with his birthday present toys. He came this close to going down for a nap which he hasn't done in years.

Got home and ate lunch. Dan changed Brooke's diaper and discovered that her cord had finally fallen off! Problem: Where did it go? It was really gross. Even more gross that we couldn't find it because of the stupid coloring of our funky carpeting. About an hour later I found it when I stepped on it. Ya. Gross. Way cool though, Brooke has an adorable belly button now!

Isaac played his afternoon game time and I took an hour nap. Nice. I have barely taken any naps since getting home from the hospital, and since Dan has to work super duper early tomorrow (5:30 am) that means tonight the baby duty is up to me and then I'm on my own with the kids until he gets home at about 2:30 pm.

This morning I weighed myself, and I've already lost all my baby weight PLUS some! YAY ME! Totally stinks though that my tummy is still swollen so I can't get my old jeans over my hips yet. This afternoon while snuggling with Brooke I treated myself to some homemade trail mix: peanuts, pretzels, raisins, sunflower seeds, chocolate chips. A while later I looked down at Brooke and was horrified to see this:

I had managed to drop a chocolate chip that wedged itself between my shirt and my daughter's hot sweaty head, covering both of us in melted chocolate. If she'd opened her eyes it would have hurt! I had to ask Dan's help to clean us both off, but of course he had to snap a picture first.

And yesterday Daniel gave Isaac a haircut. Except when we do haircuts, Isaac always has to sit on Dad's lap to be partly restrained while I use the buzzers, except I wasn't up to doing it so Dan tried it alone. It made a mess of the bathroom and Isaac's haircut was very choppy. So tonight I had to do a quick clean-up buzz of my son's head.

My house is a mess and I have company coming over tomorrow morning at 10 am. And I'm going to bed now!

Love is...

2 weeks old

Brooke is 2 weeks old today.

She does a lot of this.
One of these days I'll get a picture of her with eyeballs showing!

Today she celebrated her 2 week mark by totally coating me with spit-up. Yesterday she had her 2 week checkup, and she's up to 7 lbs 10.5 oz. She's right in the middle for height and weight. She also hasn't shown any signs of colic, which has been a tremendous relief to me. Her nights are still inconsistent, one night being up all night and the next waking briefly just to eat and go back to sleep. But as long as she's not crying and screaming, I'm totally okay with that! I've heard people talk about their "easy" babies, and now I think I really understand. Part of me also feels like we've earned this. Is that so wrong?

Google Verb! A Meme.

Allanna posted this on her blog and I thought it looked like fun...





1. Heather needs two therapists.
Yes, I believe that's true.

2. Heather looks like a drag-queen Michael Jackson impersonator.
One word: Ouch.

3. Heather says "Give beets a chance".
I don't even like beets.

4. Heather wants to kick Pamela Anderson's (butt).
No, not really.

5. Heather does it better.
Why, thank you!

6. Heather hates you.
That's just not true.

7. Heather asks "Did you cheat on me with Nancy?"
My husband's manager's name is Nancy... Hmmmm...

8. Heather likes cookies.
Yes, I do. I really do. And you couldn't tell that just by looking at me?

9. Heather eats almond butter.
Sounds delish, but since I have an almond allergy I don't see that happening.

10. Heather wears crown and sash.
Just call me Princess, folks!

11. Heather arrested on DUI charge.
Okay, that's just never, ever going to happen. Ever.

12. Heather loves poetry.
It's pretty cool. And this result was a ton better than the hundreds my google search originally pulled up by Heather Graham!

On my own

Today Dan returned to work and I was on my own with the kiddos for the first time. A little scary, but we all survived. I like to make daily to-do lists so I can make sure I get the things done that I need/want to get done for the day. My list today was:

Dishes
Laundry
Brooke's 2 week doctor appointment
Thank you card for the woman who set up our celebration meal
Call the pharmacy
Make out a summer-fun calendar for Isaac


What I got done today:
One load of dishes
One load of laundry (colors)
Made it to the doctor's appointment
And the store

I was just so busy with mommy stuff that it was hard to get anything else done. I mean, even to brush Isaac's teeth or help him make his bed, I had to do it with one hand because I had to hold Brooke with my other arm or else she'd pitch a fit (she's a total snuggle-bug). Just putting the groceries away, I put her in her bouncy chair and put her in the kitchen with me while I put things away. One time today she was napping in her bassinet until Isaac accidentally crashed into it while spinning and woke her up. My whole day was like that, just busy and when I was getting things done it always seemed to be with one hand!

Because today I was on my own for about 12 hours, and I had to drive for the first time, I stopped taking my narcotic pain meds as of last night. I hurt. I also feel like my body is going through a bit of withdrawal after being on them for 2 weeks, since I've had a slight headache, nausea, and light-headedness. That tells me right there that it's time I stopped them, so today I've been using my prescription Ibuprofen and Excedrin. I'd rather be in some pain than get hooked on any meds.

Tomorrow will be my second day on my own. Will I get the whites washed? Will dishes get done? Will I be able to do any of it with both hands? Time will tell!

Doing it right

How to be a good parent:

Like wet dog

Today it was over 70 degrees and raining. My son had been in the backyard running through the sprinklers (fully clothed) while hubby weeded the veggie garden. When I let my offspring into the house and upstairs to get him dressed in something dry, I noticed an odor. My wet son reminded me of the smell of wet dog! Thank heavens little boys wash!

Last night was our first night sleeping upstairs in our bed since Brooke and I came home from the hospital. It was nice, even if I didn't spend a lot of time actually in bed. Brooke had me up from about 12am to 3am, but I don't mind since she wasn't crying/screaming the whole time. But it was still nice to be able to handle the stairs well enough to make it to the 3rd level where our bedroom is and be able to climb in and out of bed! It felt normal again. We're adjusting well with Brooke, and it's a huge relief and enjoyable to have a baby that doesn't cry all the time. I really don't mind being up with her in the middle of the night, since mostly she's just bright eyed and wants to snuggle. I spend a lot of time playing Myspace games during those wee hours!

Tomorrow is Dan's last day of vacation... I can't believe it's been 2 weeks already! I thought we'd drive each other nuts, but we've actually done really, really well and it's been nice having him home. In the past, when he's been home for shorter amounts of time we've driven each other crazy, but this time has really been nice! I'm sorry to see it end.

A celebration dinner

Delicious dinner with "Mormon wine"

When we left the hospital last Friday (a week ago already?!), I saw a cart out in the hallway that had tiny sparkling cider bottles on it. As we passed by I asked the nurse about it, and it was a celebration dinner that all new mothers are supposed to receive after their baby is born. There was supposed to be something in my paperwork that mentioned it, but in my case there wasn't and none of the nurses mentioned it so I didn't know about it at all. I think the major problem was that I was on a liquid diet to begin with then put on quarantine for my rash, so fancy dinners were the least of anyone's concerns. I was really seriously sad that we had missed such a special treat. Later someone from the hospital called to find out how our hospital stay was, and Daniel happened to be the one who answered the phone. He mentioned to her about us missing the dinner and wondered if they could offer us a credit or gift certificate for their cafe as replacement. She said she'd get back to us. Sure enough she called the next day and they offered for us to come back and celebrate the special dinner, we just pick the day and time! I was so thrilled that they offered to do this! Also a little silly since we were so eager to go eat hospital food (but it's good hospital food, I swear!) So tonight we had our celebration dinner, complete with tiny bottles of sparkling cider. We dined on salad, grilled salmon, steamed veggies, orzo pasta for me and a baked potato for Dan, a dinner roll, and cheesecake topped with a drizzle of chocolate, a chocolate mint stick, a dollop of whipped cream, and a strawberry on the side. YUMMMM!

We brought chicken nuggets and juice for Isaac,
and he enjoyed sharing our cheesecake dessert!

Yesterday

Yesterday was Brooke's first doctor visit for her newborn checkup. She's already back to her birth weight! The doctor was very surprised and impressed. When we left the hospital on Friday she was 7 lbs 2 oz and yesterday morning she was back up to 7 lbs 6 oz. That was a relief for me to hear since I didn't think she was a very good eater, only taking in an ounce or an ounce and a half every few hours. She's healthy and looks great, and the doctor said she was a strong "whippersnapper". That cracked me up since the doctor isn't much older than us and he used the word whippersnapper. Her cord should fall off in the next week, and the dry skin she's shedding from being in my tummy will also go away soon. Next week we go for her 2 week checkup and I think that's when she'll get her first shots, poor babe.

Yesterday was also Isaac's last day of school! I can't believe summer vacation is here already. I've made a rough list of things we can do this summer, preferably free. I don't want us to be stuck indoors like lumps all summer. Once I'm all healed up I'd like to take the kids to the small park 2 blocks down and we could do picnic lunches there. We'll continue to take our Friday library trips. And we'll go to community events going on, and hopefully even a fair or two. I'm hoping to make this a fun and creative summer!

Brooke's first outing

Today we took our first out-of-town trip since Brooke was born. She's 9 days old today. My grandparents hadn't been able to travel up here to meet Brooke, so we drove on down. We had a nice visit and everyone had some good cuddle time.

Brooke meets Grandma and Pappa

Brooke waves hello

Snuggle time with Grandma

So cozy

Brooke meets her cousin Bailey.
Bailey is thrilled to have her first girl cousin,
and the fact that someone else has a "B" name.

We finally took a picture of Isaac holding Brooke...

They're sharing snuggles and kisses...

You can tell how much Brooke already adores
her big brother by how much she watches him!

7 days old

I have so many pictures of Daddy and son in this position after Isaac was born.

Brooke is 7 days old today. A week goes by so fast. Yesterday I saw my regular doctor because I was feeling so miserable and couldn't stop crying. Poor Isaac... When he'd say his prayers he kept asking mommy to feel better and to stop crying. I've been put back on to my old antidepressant for postpartum depression. I knew this was a strong possibility of happening and I'm grateful that she's been on the bottle already so there's no need to worry about transitioning there. Today is my second day on the medication and my first day with having no tears and already starting to feel that emotional heaviness beginning to lift.

Today was my appointment with my OB/GYN and everything looks good. I'll have to post later about Brooke's birth, but the incision looks good and the rash on my back is looking alot better. I still have a ton of swelling in my left foot but the doctor said that will go down in about another week as hormones and my milk and everything levels out. Weird, huh? I also asked her about my hot and cold flashes and that's another hormone thing. Instead of continuing on percocet I'm switching to vicodin in its place and still alternating that med with ibuprofen every 3 hours. I'm hoping within another week to be totally off the heavy meds.

Look at all that beautiful soft hair!

Brooke is doing well. I hate saying it because I'm afraid of jinxing it, but so far she's a happy little baby. She isn't quick to cry at all. When she wakes up she takes a little bit to open her eyes and look around and decide if she's hungry. If she's hungry she'll start to fuss a bit. She has to be really upset to really start crying and carrying on. It's been a huge blessing to have a baby with her temperament after the colic we had with Isaac. She could still develop colic, but so far we're off to a great start. She'll sleep between 2-4 hours and her usual feeding is 1 - 1.5 oz of formula. We'd like her to take in more but I'm not worried at this point. Her first doctor visit is tomorrow so we'll see what the doctor has to say. She's starting to have longer awake periods during the day, and last night instead of being up for 3 hours straight she would wake every 2 hours and eat and within 30 minutes be asleep again.

I think by next week I'll be feeling a ton better and Brooke will have a pretty predictable routine. Good thing too because next week Daniel returns back to work and I'll be on my own! That idea is a little scary but I know that by then my pain will be a little better and my moods leveled out, so I know I'll be okay.

5 days old

I just took this picture of Brooke. We're doing well, just extremely tired. She seems to enjoy sleeping during the day and she's eating fairly well. The only thing is that she likes to be wide awake for about 3 hours straight, usually between the hours of 1am-5am. Isaac gets up for the day at 6am. The night before was horrible because I was up with her the whole 3 hours and she was crying and passing gas and lots of poop. Last night was much better and not nearly as many tears. Plus, Dan and I split up the 3 hour block so he did the first hour and a half and I did the second. We're going to take naps this afternoon and readjust our sleep around Brooke's schedule.

I think I'm healing well. Every day is a little better than the day before. I still have bad swelling in my left foot, but my doctor appointment is on Tuesday so I'll bring that up. The clogged milk duct I had since the afternoon Brooke was born is finally feeling better. I don't want mastitis again! My milk has also come in, which has been impressive. I'm hoping that's short-lived too. Having boulders in my bra isn't exactly comfortable! The baby blues has also hit so I'm trying to take care of myself.

I'll hope I get faster at typing with one hand!

Welcome Brooke!

Brooke Raeanne was born June 2nd at 8:09am. She was 7 lbs 6 oz and 20.5 inches long. She's been a happy little girl so far and we hope she stays that way! I'm still very sore but every day is a little better than the day before. We came home yesterday afternoon and we're trying to start getting into our daily routine again. I want to post more pictures later.

14 hours to go

Calla lily flowers from our neighbor

In about 14 hours our daughter will be here. Crazy. I've been cherishing rubbing my baby belly and feeling her kick and move. That's the thing I'll really miss a lot, being able to feel her move inside me. I won't miss the other stuff... My feet are so swollen that my toes look like little cocktail wieners.

The house is clean and ready. I've been going around finishing last minute chores thinking things like, "This is the last time I clip my toenails before Brooke is born". Tonight we'll sweep and vacuum again, one last time before Brooke is born. I told Daniel that the thing I want most of all, above all else, is that when I get home from the hospital that he has the house clean so I don't cry. Our definitions of clean are different, but I'd settle for a vacuumed floor and toys in an orderly pile.

I've been wanting to spend some special time with Isaac, but he's still not feeling well and just not that interested in reading stories with me. A few times he's curled up against me on the sofa and I've loved that. I really wanted some special time just him and I.

Wish me luck tomorrow. I'm nervous of the surgery, and of course the equally nerve-racking task of greeting endless family members. I hope we all manage to get some sleep tonight, and I'll post again when we're home from the hospital!