ASD makes me want to scream!

Today is not a Happy Heart day.

My son is at school today, praise God. I think yesterday's "cold" was actually that hubby forgot to give Isaac his allergy medicine yesterday morning. I made sure he got it today and he's doing a lot better.

I hate autism. The very definition of autism is self-centeredness, because they have a hard time reaching outside of themselves and their own wants or how other people feel. I think I've managed to deal pretty well most days, and most days are pretty good. But there are days that are especially autistic, and you just want to scream, "What the hell?!"

Today is a "What the hell?!" kind of day.


My son:
Isaac hasn't pooped in 2 days. If he doesn't go today, that's day 3. Except I know he needs to. He makes the poop face and grabs his bottom, but when I ask if he needs to go he shakes his head no. When I sit him on the toilet anyway, he has a fit and doesn't go. So what this results in is a lot of poo-streaked underwear. I need to buy some more stain remover and bleach. It makes me so frustrated! Then because he's got poo in his crack, I've got to lay him down on the floor and haul my big butt and belly down there too and clean him up really good with wet wipes. Besides streaky underwear, it gives him a sore bottom. I need to put more diaper cream on my shopping list too. After two streak incidents today before noon time, I threatened that if he streaks his underwear one more time today that I'm going to leave him in those underwear. Will I actually do that? Probably not, because that's just gross. But do I want to do it? YES.


My husband:
Isaac had wanted cupcakes, so Dan and Isaac made cupcakes the other day. Then Isaac wanted to put frosting and sprinkles on them, so this morning before work Dan made frosting to go on them. He was busy in the kitchen for a while, then informed me that the rest of the frosting was in the fridge for the rest of the cupcakes. Instead of frosting all of them (there weren't even that many anyway), Daniel only frosted the ones he decided to take to work to eat himself.

Then later, after he left for work, I discovered that he had taken a large container of chili to work that was supposed to go in the big freezer for after Brooke is born. I've been trying to make meals for later, and I told Daniel about this and how I didn't mind if he took one serving of dinner leftovers for work the next day, but for his other meal breaks I needed him to do something like PB&J to make our dinner meals stretch further. I talked to him about it a couple of times and he seemed to be fine with it. Yesterday I made crock-pot chili. Isaac and I had some for dinner. Then I pulled aside 2 small containers for Daniel. One was for him to eat when he got home from work last night, and the other was for him to take to work with him today (because I'm just that nice). I stacked those on top of each other on the middle shelf of the fridge. The rest of the chili I put into large containers and put those on the bottom of the fridge to cool off before putting them out in the big freezer today. When Daniel got home last night I told him all of this, and he even ate one of the small containers of chili. So today after Daniel left for work, imagine my surprise to see the second small container still sitting there and one of the big containers gone. I was so pissed. I called him up and he said, "Oh, I thought you wanted me to have chili for all of my breaks". If you've ever heard that ASD people don't lie, it's not true. They do. And some are very good at it. Daniel does lie and he's very bad at it. He told me he'd try to remember tomorrow. I told him tomorrow he's not having chili so he'd just have to figure something else out. So we're down one dinner meal for our big freezer. Good thing mac-n-cheese is quick and Isaac likes it. I hope the chili gives Dan gas today.

The icing on the cake is that lately Dan has turned into a martyr when I've asked him to help me with things. Last night when he got home at 8:20pm I was on the sofa crying because I was in so much pain and Isaac was still not in bed yet. But when I ask Dan to do something that goes beyond what I normally ask him to do, there's a lot of drama and he turns irritable as if I'm asking him to donate an organ. So I've been busting my butt around here trying to get as much done myself before Brooke gets here, so later I don't have to ask as much of Dan. Today, as Daniel is leaving out the door for work he says with a chipper smile on his face, "Make me a honey-do list!" Fat chance in hell, buddy. I told him flat out that I've been trying to get as much done myself because later I'm going to need him to do it all for me for a while. That wiped the smile off his face.

Lesson learned: Trying to be the considerate wife can turn around and bite me in the butt.