The way it is

Thanks to http://spectrumspectacle.blogspot.com/ for posting this. It's so funny because it's so true, although I can't ever see an Aspie responding as the ending does:


A guy is flying in a hot air balloon, and he's lost. He lowers himself over a field and calls to a guy "Can you tell me where I am and where I'm headed?"

"Sure. You're at 41 degrees 2 minutes and 14 seconds North, 144 degrees 4 minute and 19 seconds East; you're at an altitude of 762 meters above sea level, and right now you're hovering, but you were on a vector of 234 degrees at 12 meters per second"

"Amazing! Thanks! By the way, do you have Asperger's Syndrome?"

"I do! How did you know that?"

"Because everything you said is true, it's much more detail than I need, and you told me in a way that's no use to me at all."

"Huh. Are you a clinical psychologist?"

"I am, but how the heck did you know that?"

"You don't know where you are. You don't know where you're going. You got where you are by blowing hot air. You put labels on people after asking a few questions, and you're in exactly the same spot you were 5 minutes ago, but now, somehow, it's my fault!

True story happened yesterday:

I asked Dan to please put the roast in the crock pot for me. I asked him to rinse off the meat before putting it in, to please add the diced carrots and potatoes, and then to add 2 cups of water. A short time later I'm in the livingroom and Dan is in the kitchen, drinking from a tall orange drinking cup.

"How much water did you want me to add?" he asks.

"Two cups", I said.

A short time after that, I came wobbling into the kitchen and looked at the crockpot and was shocked to see the water level was within an inch of the top!

"How much water did you add?!" I asked.

"Two of those cups", he said, pointing to his tall orange drinking cup. "You said to add 2 cups."

"Cups, Daniel. CUPS!" I said as I held my fingers wide enough apart to show a 1-cup measurement.


I love my husband. He's a good man. He's a good husband and a good father. He's loyal and dedicated to his job and his church callings, almost to a fault. As I said before, I also know with every fiber of my being that he has an undiagnosed and mild form of Asperger's. The truth is it does add an extra element of stress and challenge to the already challenging state of marriage, and I'm grateful for the times like yesterday when it can create humor.

When I first met Daniel I knew there was something different about him, but it was one of those things I couldn't put my finger on. After dating for a time, the odd quirks that were part of his family were simply written off as a "Thurber thing". For a few years though, I had a difficult time understanding why Dan had a hard time understanding social cues, he didn't understand sarcasm, why he would mention things in public that were of a private nature, and just in general having difficulty with normal social situations that are second nature to the rest of us.

Then when Isaac was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, I began researching about Autism. I had heard of it, but I knew very, very little about it. It was through this study that I began learning about Asperger's, and from there learning about adults with Asperger's. It has only been in recent years that Asperger's has been diagnosed, and until very recently it had only been the more severe forms (such as one of Dan's siblings). People with mild forms of it were never diagnosed, and were just thought of as odd or quirky. Because Asperger's has only been recently diagnosed, the ones who are diagnosed are almost always children, and it's very, very difficult to find someone who has the knowledge and training to diagnose an adult. There are countless numbers of adults with Asperger's, but because they've had a lifetime to learn some way of adjusting and coping with their surroundings, it can be difficult to recognize (in our case, most of Dan's quirks weren't noticeable until after we were married and living under the same roof) and again, many people just see them as odd or quirky. But the more I learned about adult Asperger's, the more I knew without a doubt that my husband, as well as other members of his immediate family, had an undiagnosed and mild form of Asperger's. That "Thurber thing" is really an "Aspie thing". Tony Attwood's book was a wealth of information for me, and I so wish there were more resources like him that are closer to home.

But for now, we manage and there hasn't yet been bloodshed. When I need his help with something, I've learned that it works best to talk to him about it, and then make a detailed list on paper. Occasionally I'm also pleasantly surprised by him stepping out of his comfort zone, like a couple months ago I was having a rough day and out of the blue he asked me if I needed a hug? I was so surprised and so touched that he realized I needed that, and I didn't even have to ask! And we also have days of humor, where he takes directions literally and adds 2 cups of water to the roast, but the roast still turned out perfect.