This weekend was General Conference, and I love General Conference. You know that great feeling if you've ever been hiking in the woods, breathing that clean air, getting that exercise, and the wonderful happy feelings you get from being there? That's how I feel about Conference. It's like good food and exercise for the soul.
We've never had cable, and I mean never (not even basic cable), so we listen to Conference online. Which, I have to say, was the best idea ever, even before sliced bread. Trying to keep a young child quiet and occupied while sitting in a dark chapel for 2 hour stretches at a time while watching Conference at the Stake Center is a long thing of the past. Saturday I was able to crank up the volume on the computer and listen to Conference while Isaac played, fairly quietly, with his toys and other things of fun, and I was able to clean house... I love to multi-task! Plus, listening at home also means I don't have to have the annoying chore of trying to shave my legs for church, which in this late pregnancy results in a lot of huffing and puffing and groaning and ready to sit and take a break by the time the hated chore is done.
My favorite talk was the last one of Saturday morning Conference, and I think it was by President Henry B. Eyring. It was fantastic, and it brought me to tears thinking of how appropriate the topic was for the times we're in now when nearly all of us are faced with trials and fear. I also thought of how much I could have used this talk a long time ago after Isaac's birth and the years of pain and therapy and recovery I had to go through, and how much his talk echoed my thoughts of that time.
Another thing I thought was interesting was the children's Primary songs the choir sang, and also a couple of the talks included quoting some of the lyrics from the Primary songs. I wondered about that, and thought about how the principles of the Gospel are broken down into such extremely simple terms for the Primary children to understand. The Gospel of Jesus Christ is simple, and sometimes it's the simple words that really get through and make a bigger impact over the longer grownup versions.
And last, a repeating topic that appeared was about trials and staying obedient to God's commandments during difficult times. I don't remember who said it (I can't wait for the Conference Ensign to arrive!) but someone mentioned about replacing fear with faith. During these times it's not an easy thing to do, but we were reminded that fear is not an emotion put there by God, but by Satan. We need to replace fear with faith.
I thought of the things I've been fearful of lately, and how I can adjust my thinking. I've been afraid because Dan's hours at work have been cut. I'm grateful because he has a job where many others don't, but we're hurting and it's scary to not make ends meet and be in a position of need. The temp place he signed up for as a 2nd job has only called him once, and he couldn't take the job because it was a graveyard shift and conflicts with his regular job (the man has to sleep sometime!) We've received wonderful help from family, and after we've exhausted alot of our major food storage items (remember all those other Conferences where the Prophets told us to save and prepare for the times when we'll need them?), we've had to ask the church for help. And that's an extremely humbling and uncomfortable place to be, because we want to be able to provide for ourselves. One of the talks mentioned a young couple in a situation similar to ours, and said how this couple had prayed and examined their lives to make sure they were living righteously, and decided to smile and have faith that something would work out. As one of the speakers mentioned, we need to smile instead of moan, and welcome trials as opportunities to grow, and have faith that things will be alright.
My other source of fear has been about Brooke's upcoming arrival and c-section. I've had fears about the surgery. Then I've thought of the 4 years of pain I had after Isaac's natural delivery, having to drive to OHSU to see specialists, going through physical therapy and also receive counseling for the trauma it all caused me, and then I think how a few weeks of suffering from a c-section is so much better than repeating what I went through before. I'm going to have Dan give me a blessing to give me comfort and put my mind at ease, and try to remember that things will be alright.
I am so grateful for the Gospel and the solid foundation it gives me in my life. I can't even imagine going through the trials I've had without that foundation that has kept me from breaking under the weight of those struggles.
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