Follow-up

Today I had my follow-up appointment. As I was sitting in the room waiting for the doctor to come in, my mind was drifting as I was staring at the shelves in the room. Then I realized what I'd been staring at: a life-like replica of a woman's hoo-haa. Then I couldn't stop staring at it because #1) I couldn't figure out what in the world they would use this model for, especially since it had the handy dandy hole and #2) I kept thinking all they needed to do was put pens in that handy dandy hole and it'd look like some obscene pencil holder. The appointment went fine and I'm now equiped to not have any more surprise Thurber peanuts until I decide I want more.

Which I don't. Right now I really don't.

Besides not having time to get on here and type with two hands, I haven't felt like writing. Brooke's acid reflux has gotten better since being on her medicine, but the colic is still rough. She cries all evening until we head to bed at about 11pm. She wakes between 3-5am, and either starts her day or falls back asleep for a couple of hours. At least we're starting to see something that could be defined as a fuzzy routine.

Isaac's been driving me nuts. When he's not having fits, he's having accidents which really aren't accidents since I know he can use the potty he's just not listening to his body and doing it. So on a daily basis I'm scrubbing pee off the carpet, the sofa, the rocker, the computer chair, and today when he pooped his pants and it fell on the floor I was scrubbing poop off the bathroom floor too. He goes through his entire underwear stock in a day. It makes me feel like my house is so gross and dirty, even when I'm scrubbing up after him.

So I do a lot of whining lately, and no one wants to listen to that.

One day Dan took the kids for the day and I was able to get the house totally scrubbed clean. It was glorious. It didn't last long, but it was wonderful while it lasted and I look forward to being able to have that clean house again. Some day.

Before (Eeeeek!)


After (Aaaaah!)

Bleeding ears

It's good to be grateful for the little things in life. I'm grateful that, as of yet, my ears haven't bled from Brooke's screaming. I don't know if it's even possible for that to happen, but it wouldn't surprise me either.

Brooke has been diagnosed with acid reflux, a very common condition in newborns. She's been on Zantac for a few days now and we've seen an improvement. She still spits up, but it's not as often, it's not projectile, and it's not coming out her nose.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.

Considering that I didn't get to bed until 1am last night, I can't say that the Zantac is helping with the colic much.

We had a good 4th of July. We did fireworks here at home because I'm a party-pooper and didn't feel like hauling two grouchy kids to some late night show. We still had a good time.

And Brooke, who will wake from her nap at the slightest sound, slept like this through our neighborhood's entire firework display:

Both the kids have been a handful. Between Brooke's screaming and barfing and Isaac's attitude problem, the days go by pretty quickly. Occasionally we get nice moments like this:

A couple Sundays ago Isaac noticed the clouds and pointed them out to me. I've never seen clouds like this! It made me appreciate those small, beautiful things in life that are so easy to overlook.

And I've even started working in the yard again, which I've missed so much! It's great to be outside playing in the dirt, and have something beautiful come from your hard work.

Dear Journal...

Oh, how I've missed you!
Having a newborn in the home, combined with Dan's 12 hour work days, means I have very little hands-free time. If I can't do something with one hand, it's likely not going to be done until Dan gets home from work.

In addition, our sweet baby has developed a healthy case of colic. I held my breath and was hopeful since the first two weeks were wonderful. Then the third week she started having some bad days. At the end of the week I noticed I'd been saying "She's had a bad day" all week long. She's five weeks old already! Today we'll take her into the doctor to make sure it's just colic and not something else. But it's been so very hard. The days that Daniel is home to help me with the house and kids is like oxygen for a drowning woman. Sometimes counting the minutes and lots of prayer is the only way to get through the day.

Chaos is a daily adventure

I've always had respect for mothers who have more than one child. For me I've always had that kind of awe and wondered how they made it through their day.

Now I know. Mothers of more than one child make it through the day powered by caffeine, the knowledge that Dad will be home eventually, and the hope that these days will pass.

For some reason the days that Dan is home seem to be our easiest days. Days that Daddy works are the days the kids raise hell. Today was a perfect example of what every day is like for me with two kids:

This morning I was to meet my family at Home Depot. I got the kids ready and a crying baby in her carseat and turned off the lights and was heading out the door when my phone rang. It was my mom calling to tell me that some of my family was going to be 30 minutes late. I was upset because I already had a cranky baby loaded up and ready to go, so I decided I would just meet my mom there and we'd sit and visit and wait for the rest of the family. We get there and we go in so my mom can use the bathroom, and I asked Isaac if he had to go. He said no. We get back outside and Isaac starts grabbing his bottom. I ask him if he has to go. He said no. I reminded him of the new rule that if he poops his pants he'll lose his movie priviledge for the day. I asked him if he had to go. He said no. A couple minutes later he informed me that he pooped his pants. I pass the baby off to my mom and proceed to take Isaac into the store restroom while informing him that he's lost his movie priviledge for the day. He's upset and wants to earn the movies back and I told him no. Also, I didn't bring a change of underwear or anything for him, so the only thing I could do was dump the poop in the toilet and put him back in his underwear. Finally when it was time to head home I had Brooke crying and Isaac throwing a hissy fit and kicking the back of my seat. He had a time-out when we got home.

The majority of my day is spent holding Brooke, and occasionally being able to set her down to sleep, which she did for about 10 minutes each time before she realized I wasn't holding her anymore and she'd wake up crying. A gold star for me today that I actually got dishes done! We had PB & J sandwiches for dinner.

Then this evening I'm feeding Brooke a bottle and having Isaac pick up his toys to start getting ready for bed. He's grabbing his bottom and I ask if he has to use the bathroom. He said no. I told him if he pooped his pants he'd lose his morning movie priviledge. I asked him if he had to go. He said no. Then Brooke pooped so I put the bottle down and changed her pants. She was still hungry so I sat down with the bottle again. Then Isaac told me he'd peed his pants. I'm busy feeding Brooke so I send him upstairs and tell him he's lost his priviledges again. I told him to take off his wet clothes and sit on the toilet. A minute later he calls down for me that he went pee and poo in the toilet! He wants to know if he's earned back his movie time for doing that, so I said fine. He came to the top of the stairs naked from the waist down, so I told him to get back in the bathroom and make sure he wiped and washed his hands. Then I needed him to get clothes on. I'm finishing feeding Brooke and I'm impressed she's eaten so much, just as Isaac comes downstairs still naked from the waist down. As he comes streaking into the living room Brooke projectile vomitted her entire bottle all over herself and me! I quickly grab a change of clothes from the huge pile of clean laundry that's been sitting in our livingroom that I never get around to putting away, and I herd the kids upstairs. Up there, I go ahead and wipe Isaac's bottom again because I knew he wouldn't have really gotten it well (he didn't). I give him a pull-up and his pj's and send him into the hall to get dressed. I get down on the bathroom floor and strip Brooke down and give her a quick sponge bath to wash all the formula off and get her in her pj's. I get both kids downstairs and Isaac reminds me I forgot to brush his teeth. I go back upstairs with both kids and let Isaac brush first. Because he doesn't have good hand coordination, I also have to brush his teeth for him, so I set Brooke down in the hall and she's crying and I'm brushing Isaac's teeth. We get that done and get back downstairs where I lay Brooke down in her basinett and then run back upstairs so I can change my clothes since they were still covered with formula slime. Run back downstairs and pick up the crying Brooke and go in the kitchen to find a bedtime snack for Isaac to eat while we read bedtime stories. Dan walks through the door at that moment (about 8:30pm) after being gone for work nearly 12 hours (long work days, short work week). I shoo him upstairs to quickly use the bathroom and then pass Brooke off to him. Between the two of us we get Isaac to bed, he takes over holding Brooke and I start laundry and start the prep for tomorrow's dinner.

Dan has been home for an hour and a half and holding a crying Brooke he looks at me and asks me if I want a turn with her?

Um.

No.

The day I had today? Repeat that every day, and welcome to my life now that I have two kids!

The death of a great man

My Grandpa passed away Tuesday the 23rd at 2:00am.

I'm so grateful that I had driven down Sunday for an unplanned visit, because I hadn't planned on visiting until Tuesday and it would have been too late. He was in bad shape Sunday, but he knew we were there. We had just visited a few days before, and it's crazy to think he would die so soon. He had battled the lung cancer for so long, to me it seemed like he'd just keep fighting it. When we were there Sunday, I sat in the same room with him and you could see how close to death he was. As I held me newborn daughter and sat across from Grandpa, it struck me how here was new life and death. He lived to see Brooke and hold her. That's very special to me. As I drove away Sunday and headed for home, I turned the radio on and heard the song "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. I thought how strange and at the same time how appropriate for that song to come on at that particular moment. When Grandpa was diagnosed with lung cancer about 3 years ago, he was given 6 months to live. All the trips and things that my grandparents wanted to do tomorrow, became today. Grandpa continued to live his life but each day was precious. None of us know when our time is up, and lately I've been thinking of changes I want to make in my life so that when my time comes I can say, "I lived a great life."

Love & gratitude

I want to post more later, but I wanted to say: Go hug your loved ones today. Express those feelings of love and gratitude because tomorrow may never come.

P.S. I've been told my comments section isn't working, and I'll try to fix it soon.

Hello summer

Tomorrow is officially the first day of summer. It doesn't feel like it. It's been humid and damp, and today is even on the cool side. I'm wondering if it will rain on Isaac's birthday next weekend? It's never rained on his birthday so far... in fact, all of his birthdays have been hot. I don't mind a cool summer since I don't like the heat, but I also don't like it if it's 70 or higher and raining. Ugh.

I've been absolutely exhausted the past couple of days. It's so hard when Dan has to be to work at 5:30am, because that means I've been doing baby duty on my own during the night so he can stay awake and alert at work. We've been getting to bed between 10 and 11pm. I get up with Brooke about midnight. Then again about 4am, and up for the day. If I try to lay her down and she's not totally asleep, she cries and carries on until I go to pick her up. This morning she had gas and was crying and woke Isaac up at 5:30am. In addition to gas, Brooke has also had some blocked tear ducts so her eyes have been gunky, poor babe. And while I've been trying to tend to her and clean house, all day today Isaac has been "Mommommommommom". I feel only slightly bad that when Dan comes through the door after work I practically shove the kids off on him.

My meds after leaving the hospital

Hurting more today than usual. I've also been doing more work than usual because the house is in dire need of it. This week I stopped my prescription pain meds, so I'm using OTC Excedrin and Ibuprofen instead. I should also clean my fridge today. It stinks. Why does it stink? I can't figure it out. Yikes, if I still hurt tonight I may need to take one of my prescription pain meds that are left over.

Just another day in paradise

Know that song? Today was kind of like that.

Got up this morning and we got ready to go get Brooke's newborn pictures taken. Since the hospital here doesn't do newborn pictures (that totally sucked!), we set up this appointment to have them done professionally. Isaac wanted his picture taken with Brooke.

We got a call from the gal telling us she was sick, and she wanted to give us a heads up in case we wanted to reschedule. I didn't want to reschedule because Brooke is nearly 3 weeks old and these pictures should have been taken of her as a newborn in the hospital! They only stay newborn for a brief time!

I ironed Brooke's dress, since last night I had spent time untangling the fringe on the baby blanket I had made when I was pregnant with Isaac and I wanted to use it in Brooke's pictures. Seriously, it took me about an hour and a half to get the blanket picture perfect and I even went to bed really late because I wanted this blanket to be ready for the pictures.

We made it to the picture appointment and I realized I had left the blanket at home. No, we couldn't go home and get it because home was nearly a 30 minute drive away. So we ended up using the pink blanket we had quickly tucked around her as we'd dashed out the door. Thank heavens it was clean and worked nicely.

Then we shopped for a birthday present for one of Isaac's friends who happens to be having his birthday party the same day Isaac is. This put Isaac in a bad, bad mood because the toy wasn't for him and he couldn't play with it. He decided he didn't want any birthday parties or presents. I said fine... mom and dad would go and we'd eat his cake and ice cream and play with his birthday present toys. He came this close to going down for a nap which he hasn't done in years.

Got home and ate lunch. Dan changed Brooke's diaper and discovered that her cord had finally fallen off! Problem: Where did it go? It was really gross. Even more gross that we couldn't find it because of the stupid coloring of our funky carpeting. About an hour later I found it when I stepped on it. Ya. Gross. Way cool though, Brooke has an adorable belly button now!

Isaac played his afternoon game time and I took an hour nap. Nice. I have barely taken any naps since getting home from the hospital, and since Dan has to work super duper early tomorrow (5:30 am) that means tonight the baby duty is up to me and then I'm on my own with the kids until he gets home at about 2:30 pm.

This morning I weighed myself, and I've already lost all my baby weight PLUS some! YAY ME! Totally stinks though that my tummy is still swollen so I can't get my old jeans over my hips yet. This afternoon while snuggling with Brooke I treated myself to some homemade trail mix: peanuts, pretzels, raisins, sunflower seeds, chocolate chips. A while later I looked down at Brooke and was horrified to see this:

I had managed to drop a chocolate chip that wedged itself between my shirt and my daughter's hot sweaty head, covering both of us in melted chocolate. If she'd opened her eyes it would have hurt! I had to ask Dan's help to clean us both off, but of course he had to snap a picture first.

And yesterday Daniel gave Isaac a haircut. Except when we do haircuts, Isaac always has to sit on Dad's lap to be partly restrained while I use the buzzers, except I wasn't up to doing it so Dan tried it alone. It made a mess of the bathroom and Isaac's haircut was very choppy. So tonight I had to do a quick clean-up buzz of my son's head.

My house is a mess and I have company coming over tomorrow morning at 10 am. And I'm going to bed now!

Love is...

2 weeks old

Brooke is 2 weeks old today.

She does a lot of this.
One of these days I'll get a picture of her with eyeballs showing!

Today she celebrated her 2 week mark by totally coating me with spit-up. Yesterday she had her 2 week checkup, and she's up to 7 lbs 10.5 oz. She's right in the middle for height and weight. She also hasn't shown any signs of colic, which has been a tremendous relief to me. Her nights are still inconsistent, one night being up all night and the next waking briefly just to eat and go back to sleep. But as long as she's not crying and screaming, I'm totally okay with that! I've heard people talk about their "easy" babies, and now I think I really understand. Part of me also feels like we've earned this. Is that so wrong?

Google Verb! A Meme.

Allanna posted this on her blog and I thought it looked like fun...





1. Heather needs two therapists.
Yes, I believe that's true.

2. Heather looks like a drag-queen Michael Jackson impersonator.
One word: Ouch.

3. Heather says "Give beets a chance".
I don't even like beets.

4. Heather wants to kick Pamela Anderson's (butt).
No, not really.

5. Heather does it better.
Why, thank you!

6. Heather hates you.
That's just not true.

7. Heather asks "Did you cheat on me with Nancy?"
My husband's manager's name is Nancy... Hmmmm...

8. Heather likes cookies.
Yes, I do. I really do. And you couldn't tell that just by looking at me?

9. Heather eats almond butter.
Sounds delish, but since I have an almond allergy I don't see that happening.

10. Heather wears crown and sash.
Just call me Princess, folks!

11. Heather arrested on DUI charge.
Okay, that's just never, ever going to happen. Ever.

12. Heather loves poetry.
It's pretty cool. And this result was a ton better than the hundreds my google search originally pulled up by Heather Graham!

On my own

Today Dan returned to work and I was on my own with the kiddos for the first time. A little scary, but we all survived. I like to make daily to-do lists so I can make sure I get the things done that I need/want to get done for the day. My list today was:

Dishes
Laundry
Brooke's 2 week doctor appointment
Thank you card for the woman who set up our celebration meal
Call the pharmacy
Make out a summer-fun calendar for Isaac


What I got done today:
One load of dishes
One load of laundry (colors)
Made it to the doctor's appointment
And the store

I was just so busy with mommy stuff that it was hard to get anything else done. I mean, even to brush Isaac's teeth or help him make his bed, I had to do it with one hand because I had to hold Brooke with my other arm or else she'd pitch a fit (she's a total snuggle-bug). Just putting the groceries away, I put her in her bouncy chair and put her in the kitchen with me while I put things away. One time today she was napping in her bassinet until Isaac accidentally crashed into it while spinning and woke her up. My whole day was like that, just busy and when I was getting things done it always seemed to be with one hand!

Because today I was on my own for about 12 hours, and I had to drive for the first time, I stopped taking my narcotic pain meds as of last night. I hurt. I also feel like my body is going through a bit of withdrawal after being on them for 2 weeks, since I've had a slight headache, nausea, and light-headedness. That tells me right there that it's time I stopped them, so today I've been using my prescription Ibuprofen and Excedrin. I'd rather be in some pain than get hooked on any meds.

Tomorrow will be my second day on my own. Will I get the whites washed? Will dishes get done? Will I be able to do any of it with both hands? Time will tell!

Doing it right

How to be a good parent:

Like wet dog

Today it was over 70 degrees and raining. My son had been in the backyard running through the sprinklers (fully clothed) while hubby weeded the veggie garden. When I let my offspring into the house and upstairs to get him dressed in something dry, I noticed an odor. My wet son reminded me of the smell of wet dog! Thank heavens little boys wash!

Last night was our first night sleeping upstairs in our bed since Brooke and I came home from the hospital. It was nice, even if I didn't spend a lot of time actually in bed. Brooke had me up from about 12am to 3am, but I don't mind since she wasn't crying/screaming the whole time. But it was still nice to be able to handle the stairs well enough to make it to the 3rd level where our bedroom is and be able to climb in and out of bed! It felt normal again. We're adjusting well with Brooke, and it's a huge relief and enjoyable to have a baby that doesn't cry all the time. I really don't mind being up with her in the middle of the night, since mostly she's just bright eyed and wants to snuggle. I spend a lot of time playing Myspace games during those wee hours!

Tomorrow is Dan's last day of vacation... I can't believe it's been 2 weeks already! I thought we'd drive each other nuts, but we've actually done really, really well and it's been nice having him home. In the past, when he's been home for shorter amounts of time we've driven each other crazy, but this time has really been nice! I'm sorry to see it end.

A celebration dinner

Delicious dinner with "Mormon wine"

When we left the hospital last Friday (a week ago already?!), I saw a cart out in the hallway that had tiny sparkling cider bottles on it. As we passed by I asked the nurse about it, and it was a celebration dinner that all new mothers are supposed to receive after their baby is born. There was supposed to be something in my paperwork that mentioned it, but in my case there wasn't and none of the nurses mentioned it so I didn't know about it at all. I think the major problem was that I was on a liquid diet to begin with then put on quarantine for my rash, so fancy dinners were the least of anyone's concerns. I was really seriously sad that we had missed such a special treat. Later someone from the hospital called to find out how our hospital stay was, and Daniel happened to be the one who answered the phone. He mentioned to her about us missing the dinner and wondered if they could offer us a credit or gift certificate for their cafe as replacement. She said she'd get back to us. Sure enough she called the next day and they offered for us to come back and celebrate the special dinner, we just pick the day and time! I was so thrilled that they offered to do this! Also a little silly since we were so eager to go eat hospital food (but it's good hospital food, I swear!) So tonight we had our celebration dinner, complete with tiny bottles of sparkling cider. We dined on salad, grilled salmon, steamed veggies, orzo pasta for me and a baked potato for Dan, a dinner roll, and cheesecake topped with a drizzle of chocolate, a chocolate mint stick, a dollop of whipped cream, and a strawberry on the side. YUMMMM!

We brought chicken nuggets and juice for Isaac,
and he enjoyed sharing our cheesecake dessert!

Yesterday

Yesterday was Brooke's first doctor visit for her newborn checkup. She's already back to her birth weight! The doctor was very surprised and impressed. When we left the hospital on Friday she was 7 lbs 2 oz and yesterday morning she was back up to 7 lbs 6 oz. That was a relief for me to hear since I didn't think she was a very good eater, only taking in an ounce or an ounce and a half every few hours. She's healthy and looks great, and the doctor said she was a strong "whippersnapper". That cracked me up since the doctor isn't much older than us and he used the word whippersnapper. Her cord should fall off in the next week, and the dry skin she's shedding from being in my tummy will also go away soon. Next week we go for her 2 week checkup and I think that's when she'll get her first shots, poor babe.

Yesterday was also Isaac's last day of school! I can't believe summer vacation is here already. I've made a rough list of things we can do this summer, preferably free. I don't want us to be stuck indoors like lumps all summer. Once I'm all healed up I'd like to take the kids to the small park 2 blocks down and we could do picnic lunches there. We'll continue to take our Friday library trips. And we'll go to community events going on, and hopefully even a fair or two. I'm hoping to make this a fun and creative summer!

Brooke's first outing

Today we took our first out-of-town trip since Brooke was born. She's 9 days old today. My grandparents hadn't been able to travel up here to meet Brooke, so we drove on down. We had a nice visit and everyone had some good cuddle time.

Brooke meets Grandma and Pappa

Brooke waves hello

Snuggle time with Grandma

So cozy

Brooke meets her cousin Bailey.
Bailey is thrilled to have her first girl cousin,
and the fact that someone else has a "B" name.

We finally took a picture of Isaac holding Brooke...

They're sharing snuggles and kisses...

You can tell how much Brooke already adores
her big brother by how much she watches him!

7 days old

I have so many pictures of Daddy and son in this position after Isaac was born.

Brooke is 7 days old today. A week goes by so fast. Yesterday I saw my regular doctor because I was feeling so miserable and couldn't stop crying. Poor Isaac... When he'd say his prayers he kept asking mommy to feel better and to stop crying. I've been put back on to my old antidepressant for postpartum depression. I knew this was a strong possibility of happening and I'm grateful that she's been on the bottle already so there's no need to worry about transitioning there. Today is my second day on the medication and my first day with having no tears and already starting to feel that emotional heaviness beginning to lift.

Today was my appointment with my OB/GYN and everything looks good. I'll have to post later about Brooke's birth, but the incision looks good and the rash on my back is looking alot better. I still have a ton of swelling in my left foot but the doctor said that will go down in about another week as hormones and my milk and everything levels out. Weird, huh? I also asked her about my hot and cold flashes and that's another hormone thing. Instead of continuing on percocet I'm switching to vicodin in its place and still alternating that med with ibuprofen every 3 hours. I'm hoping within another week to be totally off the heavy meds.

Look at all that beautiful soft hair!

Brooke is doing well. I hate saying it because I'm afraid of jinxing it, but so far she's a happy little baby. She isn't quick to cry at all. When she wakes up she takes a little bit to open her eyes and look around and decide if she's hungry. If she's hungry she'll start to fuss a bit. She has to be really upset to really start crying and carrying on. It's been a huge blessing to have a baby with her temperament after the colic we had with Isaac. She could still develop colic, but so far we're off to a great start. She'll sleep between 2-4 hours and her usual feeding is 1 - 1.5 oz of formula. We'd like her to take in more but I'm not worried at this point. Her first doctor visit is tomorrow so we'll see what the doctor has to say. She's starting to have longer awake periods during the day, and last night instead of being up for 3 hours straight she would wake every 2 hours and eat and within 30 minutes be asleep again.

I think by next week I'll be feeling a ton better and Brooke will have a pretty predictable routine. Good thing too because next week Daniel returns back to work and I'll be on my own! That idea is a little scary but I know that by then my pain will be a little better and my moods leveled out, so I know I'll be okay.

5 days old

I just took this picture of Brooke. We're doing well, just extremely tired. She seems to enjoy sleeping during the day and she's eating fairly well. The only thing is that she likes to be wide awake for about 3 hours straight, usually between the hours of 1am-5am. Isaac gets up for the day at 6am. The night before was horrible because I was up with her the whole 3 hours and she was crying and passing gas and lots of poop. Last night was much better and not nearly as many tears. Plus, Dan and I split up the 3 hour block so he did the first hour and a half and I did the second. We're going to take naps this afternoon and readjust our sleep around Brooke's schedule.

I think I'm healing well. Every day is a little better than the day before. I still have bad swelling in my left foot, but my doctor appointment is on Tuesday so I'll bring that up. The clogged milk duct I had since the afternoon Brooke was born is finally feeling better. I don't want mastitis again! My milk has also come in, which has been impressive. I'm hoping that's short-lived too. Having boulders in my bra isn't exactly comfortable! The baby blues has also hit so I'm trying to take care of myself.

I'll hope I get faster at typing with one hand!

Welcome Brooke!

Brooke Raeanne was born June 2nd at 8:09am. She was 7 lbs 6 oz and 20.5 inches long. She's been a happy little girl so far and we hope she stays that way! I'm still very sore but every day is a little better than the day before. We came home yesterday afternoon and we're trying to start getting into our daily routine again. I want to post more pictures later.

14 hours to go

Calla lily flowers from our neighbor

In about 14 hours our daughter will be here. Crazy. I've been cherishing rubbing my baby belly and feeling her kick and move. That's the thing I'll really miss a lot, being able to feel her move inside me. I won't miss the other stuff... My feet are so swollen that my toes look like little cocktail wieners.

The house is clean and ready. I've been going around finishing last minute chores thinking things like, "This is the last time I clip my toenails before Brooke is born". Tonight we'll sweep and vacuum again, one last time before Brooke is born. I told Daniel that the thing I want most of all, above all else, is that when I get home from the hospital that he has the house clean so I don't cry. Our definitions of clean are different, but I'd settle for a vacuumed floor and toys in an orderly pile.

I've been wanting to spend some special time with Isaac, but he's still not feeling well and just not that interested in reading stories with me. A few times he's curled up against me on the sofa and I've loved that. I really wanted some special time just him and I.

Wish me luck tomorrow. I'm nervous of the surgery, and of course the equally nerve-racking task of greeting endless family members. I hope we all manage to get some sleep tonight, and I'll post again when we're home from the hospital!

2 days to go & a funeral

Last night Dan and I talked and went over Isaac's routine and the general routine of how I run the house. I had it printed out so it'll be easy to follow, and we had a good talk with minimal eyeball rolling.

This morning we woke up and found that one of Isaac's pet rats, Jerry, had died. She'd been sick for quite a while and we'd been praying that she'd pass quickly. It was horrible to see her so sick and we'd called around to see how much it would cost to put a rat down... One place charged $60 and every other place was $100! OUCH! That's just robbery. So we did the only thing we could do and just prayed that she'd go quickly. We had a nice little funeral in the backyard and Isaac placed a calla lily on top of the grave. The grave was actually dug in part of our compost pile, but it was still a nice little service fit for a rat.

Isaac has a difficult time understanding death and the separation of spirit from body... Over a year ago his pet Brown Rat had died after we'd had him for about 3 years. Isaac still talks about Brown Rat. We've been telling Isaac that now Brown Rat and Jerry are in heaven together and probably tickling Jesus with their whiskers. Poor kiddo. We still have Tom and Stinky Fish, and after they're gone I think it'll be a while before we do more pets. We'll see.

Cool photography

This is the site of a friend of a friend who is an amateur photographer. He's pretty good! I really liked his landscapes and thought I'd share the love:

http://apertureview.org

3 days to go

Today was the first day of hubby's 2-week vacation time for Brooke's birth. Day 1 has gone well, and he's even been pretty good about helping me around the house. I hope by day 14 things will be going so well and there won't be bloodshed.

Dan's family tends to do things last minute, and 2 hours ago he received a phone call from one of his sisters that they were having a pizza get together at their parents' house which is happening as I type this. Dan wanted to go because #1) he loves his family and #2) he loves pizza. I've been lactose-intolerant with this pregnancy, especially to cheese, so pizza has been a no-go in our house the last 10 months. The problem is that his parents live an hour away, our son is sick, I'm uncomfortable and having contractions, and there are still some things I needed help with here... I told him that honestly I would like him to stay home with us, and he agreed. The man can drive me nuts sometimes, but other times I'm grateful for his sweet side.

Right now he's at the grocery store with my detailed list, and even though he's already called twice he's really been getting the hang of being the main grocery buyer. The plan tonight: going over what I'll need his help with after Brooke is born.

4 days to go & a sick kiddo

A soft sofa with pillows, a hanky for the nose, and the remote. What more could a boy want?

Mommy has been wrong a time or two. It wasn't allergies, and our child is actually sick. Long story short, we've been up since almost 2am. This morning I was so tired and my feet so swollen that I asked Dan to take Isaac into the doctor for me since he didn't have to work until the later shift. To spare time, he took him to Urgent Care. From what I heard the office visit was rough and they couldn't even get a good look at Isaac, but figured from his symptoms that he has a sinus infection. He's been the king of ear infections until a couple of years ago, but he's never had a sinus infection! He's so miserable. He's had colds before, but it's been a long time since I've seen him like this. If he's not better by Sunday we've got to take him in to his regular doctor. The really sucky thing about a sick autistic child is that, at least in Isaac's case, he doesn't tell us where he hurts. It's very much like having a sick baby and you have to guess what's going on.

On my end, my body is so ready to have Brooke but still having irregular contractions. I figured if she came early it would be today, but doesn't look like it. Only 4 more days to go until I meet my daughter for the first time!

UPDATE: The nap was extremely short-lived (maybe 30 min tops?) but he seems to be feeling better. He pooped his underwear (yay for the poo, ugh that it wasn't in the potty). In spite of my heroic efforts, poo also got on the floor and on my foot, so to be on the safe side my pants are now in the laundry. And Isaac has done more talking to me the past 20 minutes than he has the entire day... I hope this means he's already starting to bounce back!

The best laugh all week

I stumbled across this blog and laughed till my belly hurt...

http://whenwelisten.blogspot.com/2009/05/didnt-see-that-coming.html

5 days to go & ready

I've been busy doing a last thorough cleaning of the house. The only thing really left to do is straightening our bedroom to make room for the bassinet where Brooke will sleep her first couple of weeks.

Isaac's side of the room is done. Everything is set up as good as it's going to get, considering the kids have to share a room. I wanted Isaac to have a nice bedspread on his bed, but he's decided he wants to use his unzipped sleeping bag instead.


To make it easier on Isaac that he has to share his room with a girl now, we did his side of the room in Speed Racer. I colored and pasted all those pics into posters. Talk about aching fingers!


Brooke's side of the room. I'm impressed with what we've been able to squeeze into that small bedroom.


Brooke has Care Bears for her posters. And yes, that's the bassinet (temporarily) in the crib.


The dresser. That's a tight squeeze! Brooke's things on the left, Isaac's are on the right. The closet offers even less space, so I tried to squeeze whatever I could into the dresser. I turned those blue bins into shelves to hold Brooke's diapers and Isaac's pull-ups. The pink bouncy vibrator chair will be moved downstairs after Brooke is born. One of my sister-in-laws made the ISAAC frames, and I'm told she wanted to make one for Brooke too.


We have a bag ready to go for Isaac in case I go into labor early and he has to go to a friend's house. Everything is there except his ducky blanket. That's the extra car seat ready too in case I have to have someone drive me to the hospital if Dan's at work.


And the dinners. When Isaac was born we didn't have the luxury of being able to pre-make meals because we were in an apartment with no room for a large freezer. We were given this large freezer from an acquaintance of Dan's, and it fits perfect in our garage. I figure we've got at least 2 weeks worth of pre-made dinners here, more if Daniel eats more PB&J, plus a stock of soup broths and frozen veggies that can also cook up quick.

I think we're ready...

ASD makes me want to scream!

Today is not a Happy Heart day.

My son is at school today, praise God. I think yesterday's "cold" was actually that hubby forgot to give Isaac his allergy medicine yesterday morning. I made sure he got it today and he's doing a lot better.

I hate autism. The very definition of autism is self-centeredness, because they have a hard time reaching outside of themselves and their own wants or how other people feel. I think I've managed to deal pretty well most days, and most days are pretty good. But there are days that are especially autistic, and you just want to scream, "What the hell?!"

Today is a "What the hell?!" kind of day.


My son:
Isaac hasn't pooped in 2 days. If he doesn't go today, that's day 3. Except I know he needs to. He makes the poop face and grabs his bottom, but when I ask if he needs to go he shakes his head no. When I sit him on the toilet anyway, he has a fit and doesn't go. So what this results in is a lot of poo-streaked underwear. I need to buy some more stain remover and bleach. It makes me so frustrated! Then because he's got poo in his crack, I've got to lay him down on the floor and haul my big butt and belly down there too and clean him up really good with wet wipes. Besides streaky underwear, it gives him a sore bottom. I need to put more diaper cream on my shopping list too. After two streak incidents today before noon time, I threatened that if he streaks his underwear one more time today that I'm going to leave him in those underwear. Will I actually do that? Probably not, because that's just gross. But do I want to do it? YES.


My husband:
Isaac had wanted cupcakes, so Dan and Isaac made cupcakes the other day. Then Isaac wanted to put frosting and sprinkles on them, so this morning before work Dan made frosting to go on them. He was busy in the kitchen for a while, then informed me that the rest of the frosting was in the fridge for the rest of the cupcakes. Instead of frosting all of them (there weren't even that many anyway), Daniel only frosted the ones he decided to take to work to eat himself.

Then later, after he left for work, I discovered that he had taken a large container of chili to work that was supposed to go in the big freezer for after Brooke is born. I've been trying to make meals for later, and I told Daniel about this and how I didn't mind if he took one serving of dinner leftovers for work the next day, but for his other meal breaks I needed him to do something like PB&J to make our dinner meals stretch further. I talked to him about it a couple of times and he seemed to be fine with it. Yesterday I made crock-pot chili. Isaac and I had some for dinner. Then I pulled aside 2 small containers for Daniel. One was for him to eat when he got home from work last night, and the other was for him to take to work with him today (because I'm just that nice). I stacked those on top of each other on the middle shelf of the fridge. The rest of the chili I put into large containers and put those on the bottom of the fridge to cool off before putting them out in the big freezer today. When Daniel got home last night I told him all of this, and he even ate one of the small containers of chili. So today after Daniel left for work, imagine my surprise to see the second small container still sitting there and one of the big containers gone. I was so pissed. I called him up and he said, "Oh, I thought you wanted me to have chili for all of my breaks". If you've ever heard that ASD people don't lie, it's not true. They do. And some are very good at it. Daniel does lie and he's very bad at it. He told me he'd try to remember tomorrow. I told him tomorrow he's not having chili so he'd just have to figure something else out. So we're down one dinner meal for our big freezer. Good thing mac-n-cheese is quick and Isaac likes it. I hope the chili gives Dan gas today.

The icing on the cake is that lately Dan has turned into a martyr when I've asked him to help me with things. Last night when he got home at 8:20pm I was on the sofa crying because I was in so much pain and Isaac was still not in bed yet. But when I ask Dan to do something that goes beyond what I normally ask him to do, there's a lot of drama and he turns irritable as if I'm asking him to donate an organ. So I've been busting my butt around here trying to get as much done myself before Brooke gets here, so later I don't have to ask as much of Dan. Today, as Daniel is leaving out the door for work he says with a chipper smile on his face, "Make me a honey-do list!" Fat chance in hell, buddy. I told him flat out that I've been trying to get as much done myself because later I'm going to need him to do it all for me for a while. That wiped the smile off his face.

Lesson learned: Trying to be the considerate wife can turn around and bite me in the butt.

Pregnancy weight gain

Just as my doctor said, I totally get a gold star! I've gained 19 lbs this pregnancy, which I've managed to accomplish by eating cereal or fruit when I'm hungry (and I mean hungry, and ignoring the munchies).



http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090528/ap_on_he_me/us_med_pregnancy_weight

Many women add too many pounds during pregnancy

By LAURAN NEERGAARD, AP Medical Writer Lauran Neergaard, Ap Medical Writer

WASHINGTON – Eating for two? New guidelines are setting how much weight women should gain during pregnancy — surprisingly little if they're already overweight or obese when they conceive.

The most important message: Get to a healthy weight before you conceive, say the Institute of Medicine's guidelines, the first national recommendations on pregnancy weight since 1990. It's healthiest for the mother — less chance of pregnancy-related high blood pressure or diabetes, or the need for a C-section — and it's best for the baby, too. Babies born to overweight mothers have a greater risk of premature birth and becoming overweight themselves, among other concerns.

That's a tall order, considering that about 55 percent of women of childbearing age are overweight and preconception care isn't that common.

Once a woman's pregnant, the guidelines issued Thursday aren't too different from what obstetricians already recommend — but they're not easy, considering about half of women fail to follow them today.

Among the advice:

_A normal-weight woman, as measured by BMI or body mass index, should gain between 25 and 35 pounds during pregnancy. A normal BMI, a measure of weight for height, is between 18.5 and 24.9.

_An overweight woman — BMI 25 to 29.9 — should gain 15 to 25 pounds during pregnancy.

_An obese woman — BMI of 30 or higher — should gain 11 to 20 pounds. This marks the first recommendation ever set for women so heavy.

_An underweight woman — BMI less than 18.5 — should gain 28 to 40 pounds.

What if a mom-to-be has already gained too much? On average, overweight and obese women already are gaining five more pounds than the upper limit.

But pregnancy is not a time to lose weight, stressed guidelines co-author Dr. Anna Maria Siega-Riz of the University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill.

"It's not, 'Hey you gained enough, now you need to stop,'" Siega-Riz said. "Let's take stock of where you're at and start gaining correctly."

Indeed, the guidelines lay out that in the second and third trimesters, underweight and normal-weight mothers should be putting on a pound a week for proper fetal growth. The overweight and obese need about half a pound a week.

Hopping on the scale during prenatal checkups makes for a sensitive moment, especially in a culture that cherishes the ice cream-and-pickles stereotype.

Implementing the guidelines may take a move "to change the whole culture about pregnancy" and eating, Siega-Riz said. She noted that in studies of the overweight, "most of these women will tell you that they've never been told how much weight to gain" during pregnancy.

6 days to go

The countdown has begun.

I had my doctor appointment this morning and I'm only 1 cm dilated. I could still go into labor before Tuesday, but it's looking like the chances are small. Which, as much as I want this baby out of me, I think I prefer to wait until Tuesday so that my doctor can do the c-section and not someone I've never seen before. Because of my fast labor with Isaac, she said if I do start having those strong contractions really close together to call straight to the hospital and don't bother calling the office again. I was relieved that she didn't think I should wait an hour and a half either!

I've also got a sick kiddo home. I think it's just a bad allergy day for him, but he's acting so miserable that I decided to keep him home from school rather than taking him in and them likely calling me to come pick him up again. The poor child's nose has been through so much lately!

The other week Isaac's teacher gave us an adorable dress for Brooke, and yesterday when we showed up at school there were 2 more bags from a couple of the teacher's aids! It's so sweet of them to do that, especially with it being so unexpected! The super amazing thing? Of all the gifts we've been given, not a single one has been a duplicate!!!

7 days to go & false labor

By this time next Tuesday we'll be a family of 4, can you believe it? There's just 7 days left to go, and less if Brooke decides to come early.

Last night I had false labor. I felt like an idiot for calling the doctor, but I never had false labor with Isaac so I figured better safe than sorry. The contractions were 5 minutes apart for an hour, but they were just uncomfortable and not painful so I knew I wasn't in true labor but also knew that it could progress to true labor during the night. Fortunately it didn't because there were things I still wanted to do, like plucking my eyebrows and ironing Brooke's going home outfit. Last night Dan got fidgety and asked if I wanted him to get the suitcase out to start packing (something I planned to do this Wednesday). I told him no I didn't think we needed it, so he ran upstairs and got it out. I forgot I married an Eagle Scout... Always be prepared! I went ahead and packed a few things so it helped put both our minds at ease a bit, and when it's really time (even if that's the day of the c-section) I'll just grab the rest of the things. I'll put a backpack of things together for Isaac too in case he has to go to a friend's house if I go into labor early.

I've had a lot on my mind.

I'm scared. I'm tired of people asking me if I'm "excited" for Brooke to be here. Call me a terrible mother, but I'm not excited. I'm scared. I've had one child so far, and there was nothing pleasant or exciting about the pregnancy, the delivery, or the first 3 months of screaming colic. That's an entire 12 months of fear and pain and misery (okay, the pain was actually about 4 years). With that kind of track record, why would I be excited? Of course no one knows the details of Isaac's birth so they don't mean to offend when they ask me that. I never told anyone about my experience until I posted it here on my blog and even then I'm sure very few people, if anyone, has read it all. It just helped for me to get it out and in a sense wipe the slate clean to prepare for Brooke's birth.

After Isaac was born I thought I wouldn't have any more children. And if I did, they would be a surprise and they would come by c-section since I couldn't put my body through that again. Brooke was a surprise and she's coming by c-section. The surgery scares me. Aside from the fear of pain, I'm terrified because they're going to have my arms strapped down so I don't reflex and grab at my stomach. The idea of being strapped down scares me. The complications from surgery scares me. My weight gain has been perfect with this pregnancy, but I'm still horribly overweight and I'm scared about what complications that will bring to the surgery. Will I have bladder infection problems like a woman I knew who had c-sections with her 2 kids? Or will everything go smoothly like it did for my sister's 2 kids? I trust my doctor and I know that she's the kind of doctor who would tell me if a c-section was a bad idea and that's never ever been an issue with her. They have my medical history and records. What if I go into labor early, then I'd have another doctor I've never met before doing the surgery... Could I trust him or her? What it comes down to is what I'm most afraid of: a repeat of what I went through with Isaac with a vaginal delivery or a c-section. After the injuries I had after Isaac's birth and his medical problems, I always believed Isaac should have been a c-section baby, so then Brooke being a c-section baby would be a no-brainer. VBACS aren't done here and even if they were I wouldn't do it because the risks are too great.

I hate that these decisions are all done with the basis of fear. I pray so hard. I pray that the surgery will go smoothly. I pray that I will be comforted. I pray that Brooke will not have colic or autism. I pray so hard for a neurotypical child and to have the experience of that. If Brooke has autism then I think she'll be our last, because I can't imagine going through the pain and grief and therapies that we went through with Isaac again. If Brooke is NT, then just maybe I'll have the normal experience most other pregnant women have with their delivery and newborn and it will be exciting and a joy and open my mind and heart up for having more kids down the road. I want so badly to enjoy the experience and to enjoy my newborn.

If things don't go the ideal way I'd like them to, I still tell myself it'll be okay. I've been there and done that before. I can get through it again.

But I don't want to.